ch-ch-ch-changes

Well, I'm home. I can't believe it's over.

I don't know. I can't even begin to summarize the past four months. A lot happened. Moreover, a lot happened that I never thought would happen. There were times when I honestly believed I was dreaming, when I questioned whether I was living my own life or someone else's. I know this is cliche to say, but I guess that, in a lot of ways, I was living someone else's life. I'm not the same person as the girl who left on January 10. It's taken coming home for me to truly understand all that's happened this semester. I don't feel the same or act the same or have the same responses as I would have had five months ago.

I have never felt more independent or capable. There were also moments when I had never felt more inelegant or objectified. This experience educated me a lot about Americans and made me grateful to know that I was brought up in an environment which taught me to care about the world instead of just myself. Because, believe me, I met plenty of people who didn't have such luck.

I learned that almost all of the stereotypes about the French are completely true: they're rude, they smell bad, and they love to love (ironic, isn't it?). Perhaps best of all, I learned not to resent them because of this. At first it was so annoying that they were exactly who everyone said they would be, but then I learned to accept they were crazy and moved on. And now I love them and all their crazy quirks. Funny how things work out.

Basically, France proved to me that the shit I worry about is pretty pointless (and that I should be worrying about completely different things...hmmm). I did put plenty of joie in my vivre, but I also put a lot of stress and sadness and, on occassion, anger in it, too. And now it's over and I wouldn't change anything because even the stress and the sadness were worth it. I'd like to think that I'm better for it.

This entry has taken me nearly two weeks to write, probably because I've been home and home has made me feel differently about a lot of things. It's weird when you come back to the place where you've always lived and realize that it's exactly the same. Same house, same parents, same dogs, same friends, same vehicles, same situation. It's comforting for a little while and then it gets scary. I think the scariest thing is that while I usually fall back into the same patterns when I come home, I'm not doing that now. There are new patterns and new emotions. I guess I finally feel like I'm a grown up (or closer to it, anyway). All it took was a little wine, some brie, and several dozen (hundred?) pain au chocolats.

Thanks for the ride, France. I'll never forget it.

I just finished my last final and now I'm a senior in college. It's unfortunate that it went so badly, considering I probably could have done well had I studied more or slept well last night or didn't currently feel terrible. So it is, though. I'm reassured, however, that this is IES and everything will probably be just fine.

But back to the not sleeping thing. I keep waking up in the middle of the night with headaches that I can't do anything about. This has happened to me before, at least several times a year since I started college, but they always seem to come at the most inopportune moments. I was hoping I would avoid them while in France, but I seem to have had no such luck. I don't know if it's stress or the changes in the weather or what. Or maybe it's the anticipation of going home, of leaving this place, of not knowing if I should be happy or sad right now. I'm definitely looking forward to this summer, but I know that the same things that always drive me crazy about being home will continue to drive me crazy, perhaps to an even greater extent. I have spent the last four months being an adult (or maybe becoming an adult) and I don't know how that's going to roll with my parents, who realize that I am capable of taking care of myself, but don't necessarily want me to.

I'll be in Paris until next Saturday, then spend two days in Copenhagen, then return to Paris for three nights before heading back to the US. Two weeks seems like a long time right now, but, judging by how fast the past four months have gone, I know that the next 14 days will fly by.

This isn't over and out, just over for now. I'll post an update or two when I get home on May 25.

Poll: What should I get my host mom as a thanks-for-being-the-coolest-person-ever gift?

I have homework for next fall. It's April. Thank you, Dr. Chapman.

The good news is that both of the books I have to read, although 1400 pages total, are both fiction and sound pretty cool (Doris Lessing's _The Golden Notebook_ and Thomas Pynchon's _Gravity's Rainbow_, if you're interested). The best part, however, is Chapman's online syllabus, which says that "you must make a serious attempt to read every important work of criticism ever published on your specific topic (excluding dissertations), as well as (where appropriate) the most relevant and useful theoretical sources."

Let the fun begin.

Geneva was wonderful. Marisa and I had a great time and the weather was fantastic. We'll get to that later, though.

Here's London in a rather large nutshell. Apologies for the wonky formatting. It happens sometimes.

Day 1: I spent the night at Sam's to make airport transportation easier. We got up at 5 (yuck)
to get to the airport for our 7:40 flight. I got a couple of suspicious looks from the passport
control guy (I have no idea why), but passed on through just fine. The flight was short and easy.
When we got to London, we went to our hostel in Camden (which is a northern borough) to check in. The place was a little questionable, but not too bad. We got some lunch and headed over to
the area near Big Ben, which is where the Houses of Parliament are and Westminster Abbey.
Thinking that the Houses of Parliament WERE Westminster Abbey, we tried to get in, but to no
avail. Then we realized we weren't at the right place. Whoops. We hung out around there for a
while, took some pictures, and then went to the British Museum before heading out for fish and
chips at Rock and Sole Plaice (the oldest fish and chips establishment in London). We were all
really tired, so we just went back to the hostel and slept. Such excitement.

Day 2: Sam's parents arrived early Sunday afternoon, so we dropped her stuff off at the hotel in
the morning and then went for a walk around Hyde Park. We stopped by the Speakers' Corner,
which is where anyone and everyone can stand on a literal soapbox and talk about whatever they
feel like discussing. When we were there, an older man was shouting about the wrongs America
has committed. Of course. After listening to the old man rant about American politics, we found
some hammock chairs to sit in and lounged on the grass for a while. Hyde Park is HUGE, so we
walked around that for a couple of hours and had a snack by the Serpentine Lake. Afterward, we
dropped Sam off at her hotel so that she could meet up with her parents and Alexis and I headed
toward Leicester Square to meetAnne Fell from IWU for lunch. Anne also brought her friend,
Lisa, so that four of us went out to eat at Wagamama, which is a trendly Asian chain. It was nice
to catch up with her. Good times, good times.

After lunch, we went to the Haagen Daz restaurant nearby and had some ice cream. The place
was ridiculous. It was a sitdown style restaurant with a six page menu...I've never seen an ice cream place with such an elaborate set-up. Anyway, we went our separate ways after that and Alexis and I visited the National Gallery,
which was only about a block away. The art there is older (no modern stuff), so I got to see some
Van Gogh, which was pretty cool. We only got to stay for a little while before heading back to
Sam's hotel to eat dinner with her family. They're really nice people and I think they were pretty
excited to meet us. We went to an Italian place for dinner and had an excellent time.

Day 3: Alexis and I woke up early to go to Primrose Hill, which is the highest point in the city
and, conveniently, right by our hostel. We took some pictures, but it was kind of chilly, so we
didn't stay long. We also managed to find Abbey Road, so, of course, we had to take pictures
there, too. After walking for many blocks, we got on a double decker bus which took us to
Oxford St. It's probably one of the most Americanized areas of London with plenty of shopping.
We got some lunch at Benjy's, a chainy place with sandwiches and salads, and then headed over
to Westminster Abbey. Our second attempt proved to be as fruitless as the first; the line was
down the block. Instead, we decided to go on a tour of the Tower of London. That was one of my
favorite places on the trip. We got to see the crown jewels, too (of which there are many). We
were hungry, so we went to the Harrods food court to get some Krispy Kremes. That place is
amazing...and extravagant. Everything there was designer-brand, so, needless to say, I didn't buy anything. We left shortly before it closed and went to
Lemongrass, a Cambodian place near the hostel, for dinner.

Day 4: Alexis and I tried AGAIN to get into Westminster Abbey, but it was still packed. We
never did get to go inside. Maybe next time...

We met up with Sam and her family and went to Kensington Palace for the afternoon. I wasn't
allowed to take pictures inside, so you'll just have to imagine. We all got audio guides with the
price of admission, which was a nice way of learning about everything. Several of Diana's dresses
were on display along with Queen Elizabeth's famous Paris opera dress. Who knew she was so
small? Ohmygod! Her waist was TINY. We also got to tour the royal apartments, which were
not as exciting as they sound. All in all, though, Kensington was really interesting and fun.
Another one of my favorites from the trip. Sam's parents and John (her brother) stayed there
for tea, while Alexis, Sam, and I went to the Tate Britain, which I think is my new favorite
museum. We didn't get to stay for too long because it was closing, but we got to see a lot of
fantastic art. I would return to London for that museum alone. We were all pretty tired, so we
went back to the hotel for a little while and then went to Rock and Sole Plaice (the same fish and
chips place we went to on the first night) with Sam's family. I tried the Spotted Dick (currant
cake with custard), but couldn't finish it after eating an entire fish.

Day 5: Alexis and I got up early to buy halfprice theater tickets at the TKTS booth in Leicester
Square for that evening. We went to the London Eye before lunch, which was cool, but involved
a lot of waiting in line. I took a ton pictures, which will be online soon. Alexis really wanted to
go to the Portobello Market in Notting Hill, so we headed in that direction. And saw Pete Burns. Right.

After that...experience...we went back to the hostel to change before heading to the Wyndhams
Theater to see Honour, starring Diana Rigg and Martin Jarvis. It was AMAZING and emotional.
It's about a man who cheats on his wife with a younger woman and how it influences their
relationship and the relationship he has with his daughter. It was really, really good. I'm so
happy we went.

Day 6: We didn't do a whole lot on Thursday except eat (for something new and different). Getting to the airport took longer than expected, so we had to run to our gate. Thankfully, the plane was late, so our lack of punctuality didn't really matter. The flight was easy, short, and pretty. Just the way I like it.

like a record, baby

London was amazing. There are many stories to share, but time is currently limited, so all details will be revealed later. I promise.

I do have to share one story, though. Are you ready?

I went with my friend Alexis to Notting Hill on Tuesday. It's a really cool area with lots of pretty apartments and interesting shops. We were trying to find the Portobello Market, but ended up just kind of wandering the streets and looking at everything. Alexis is really into vintage clothes and when a vintage store caught her eye, we decided to go in. As we were walking down the street, she turned to me and whispered "what's that jingling behind us?" I looked over my shoulder and saw a gigantic man dressed in very tacky drag. Blond wig. Long necklaces. No shoes (wtf? that's just gross).

Alexis and I continued on our way and stopped to look in a few stores before crossing the street. As we neared the entrance to the vintage store (Dolly Diamond), we saw that the man-woman was standing in the doorway and smoking a cigarette. We kind of sensed that something was going on, so we went in a different store for a few minutes before returning.

The girl at Dolly Diamond was all flustered and talking to another employee. "I can't believe he did that," she said. "That makes me so angry." She called her supervisor to share the news: someone had come in the store and stolen a pair of gold Gauthier shorts, then threatened to slap the employee if she didn't let him go. The thief? Pete Burns http://newsimg.bbc.co.uk/media/images/41199000/jpg/_41199826_burns_body_getty.jpg Pete Burns of Dead or Alive. You spin me right 'round, baby, right 'round Pete Burns.

I couldn't make this stuff up if I tried.

Cheers!

Off to London. Back Thursday night. Get ready for the play-by-play.